school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
