apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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