dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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