She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
