I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
