Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
