My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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