I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
