We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
