Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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