allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
