Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
