kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
