I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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