he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
