Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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