I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are all done wearing pants today
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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