My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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