Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
