that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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