break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
