He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
