im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
