when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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