please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
