how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
