Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
