The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
