I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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