You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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