I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
