I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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