dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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