please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
