some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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