Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
