I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
