Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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