The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize