Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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