When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need a burrito and a hug.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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