I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
