honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
