After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
