you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
