it hurts more in the daytime
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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