I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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