Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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