you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
