I think my vagina is haunted
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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