Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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