I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
