but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
