how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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