Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
