so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
