Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And then he peed in my hair
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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