Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
