what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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