Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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