cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
