u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
