I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So here I am, sexting at work.
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