i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
